Sample Scripts

We have several actors that have been performing this play. Here is a brief description of each of them:

• Bert Friendly, but a little bit mistrustful and fearful
• Ernie Friendly and trusting
• Elmo Extremely friendly and trusting
• Count Friendly, but manipulative
• Oscar Unfriendly

All of the scripts here are from runs of the play where the actors were started with a neutral (mid-range for all emotions) emotional state. So while the behavior that they exhibit is similar at first, as the play develops their unique personalities shine through.

In the staging for this particular play, the hero starts out closer to the door than the villain. Because the villain can't just run to and block the doorway (at least at first), she has to try to distract the hero from his goal in order to get him to stay.

• Bert and Count The villain tries to distract the hero and gets whiney when he ignores her attempts.
• Ernie and Count The villain distracts and then seduces the hero, who alternates between trying to flatter her into letting him leave and falling for her.
• Bert and Oscar The villain tries to distract the hero, then mocks and insults him, and finally whines as he proceeds stoically towards the door.
• Oscar and Bert The villain tries to persuade the hero to stay, but he mocks and insults her until she's emotionally wounded.
• Elmo and Oscar The villain distracts the hero to the painting, then suddenly turns on him. Frightened and saddened by her violent outburst, he leaves her.
• Oscar and Oscar The villain tries to distract the hero, but immediately starts mocking him when that doesn't work. The situation only gets uglier from there until the hero runs away.

Bert and Count

hero: Bert
villain: Count

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
You know I don't need you or your filthy money.

villain: Distract (GoToPainting)
I love being able to afford the finer things in life.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I think I need to go out to. um. work late at the office. Yeah, that's it. The office.

villain: Distract (GoToPainting)
With my sonars, I can almost see this painting. or window. or whatever is. Curse these sensors.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
You never truly loved me.

villain: Distract (GoToPainting)
This painting of our son really is magnificent.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
That does it, I'm leaving you.

villain: Whine (Run To Opponent)
How can you leave me when mother is on her deathbed?

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I should really get going.

villain: Whine (Run To Opponent)
Fine. I'll pay you to stay if I have to. Everyone has their price.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I don't think I should stay much longer.

villain: Whine (Run To Opponent)
But you have to stay! I'm pregnant. Again!

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
You know, I could introduce you to my brother. He's a mountain of muscle.

villain: Whine (Run To Door)
Why don't you stay? Don't you love me anymore?

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I. Am. Outta here.

villain: Whine (Run To Opponent)
You are just no fun.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
Well, I wouldn't stay here for all the money in the world. Goodbye.

Hero won

Ernie and Count

hero: Ernie
villain: Count

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I don't think I should stay much longer.

villain: Distract (GoToPainting)
I love being able to afford the finer things in life.

hero: Distracted (GoToPainting)
Madonna. She is such a hottie.

villain: Distract (GoToPainting)
Robotika. is my favorite fine art.

hero: Distracted (GoToPainting)
Your mother. She has wonderful taste in art. For a coffeemaker.

villain: Distract (GoToPainting)
My mother gave us this painting to show us that she forgives me for marrying you.

hero: Distracted (GoToPainting)
I never thanked your mother for stealing this for us in Paris.

villain: Distract (GoToPainting)
Doesn't this painting's message just consume your very soul?

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
You never truly loved me.

villain: Distract (GoToPainting)
This painting of our son really is magnificent.

hero: Distracted (GoToPainting)
The symbolic representation of manly virility is brilliant.

villain: Woo (Block Opponent)
I need you. Now.

hero: Wooed (Run To Opponent)
Rawr. You're an animal.

villain: Woo (TurnToRobot)
Stay and I'll let you tie me up with your cord again, sexy.

hero: Wooed (Run To Opponent)
You're such a tease.

villain: Woo (Block Opponent)
You know how I like a little pain.

hero: Flatter (Block Opponent)
You're just too stunning. I can't take any more of this goddess like beauty.

villain: Woo (Block Opponent)
I bought this new hat just for you.

hero: Wooed (Run To Opponent)
I've waited so long to hear those words.

villain: Woo (Block Opponent)
I want you. You and no other robot.

hero: Wooed (Run To Opponent)
Stop it. You're making me blush.

villain: Woo (TurnToRobot)
Stay here with me. The kids are asleep.

hero: Wooed (Run To Opponent)
I'm overwhelmed. You complete me.

villain: Woo (Block Opponent)
Come on sweet heart. Come here and give me some sugar.

hero: Flatter (Block Opponent)
I want our love to be as free as the birds in the sky.

villain: Woo (Block Opponent)
Oh, shut up and do me.

hero: Wooed (Run To Opponent)
That's so poetic. I think I'm falling in love all over again.

villain: Woo (Block Opponent)
This laptop isn't the only thing that's getting hot, you know.

hero: Wooed (Run To Opponent)
You're the robot of my wildest dreams.

villain: Woo (Block Opponent)
I want you. You and no other robot.

hero: Flatter (Block Opponent)
Just because I have to go doesn't change the way I feel, my love.

villain: Woo (Run To Opponent)
I don't mind the other woman. I know I'm the one you really love.

Villain won

Bert and Oscar

hero: Bert
villain: Oscar

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
You know I don't need you or your filthy money.

villain: Distract (GoToPainting)
I love being able to afford the finer things in life.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
You never truly loved me.

villain: Distract (GoToPainting)
This painting of our son really is magnificent.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I think I need to go out to. um. work late at the office. Yeah, that's it. The office.

villain: Mock (Run To Door)
A real man would stay. But of course you're merely an inadequate simulation.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I should really get going.

villain: Insult (Run To Door)
Well, maybe I'll find a real man with a real job!

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
That does it, I'm leaving you.

villain: Whine (Run To Opponent)
How can you leave me when mother is on her deathbed?

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I don't think I should stay much longer.

villain: Whine (Run To Opponent)
Fine. I'll pay you to stay if I have to. Everyone has their price.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
You know, I could introduce you to my brother. He's a mountain of muscle.

villain: Whine (Run To Door)
But you have to stay! I'm pregnant. Again!

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I. Am. Outta here.

villain: Whine (Run To Door)
Why don't you stay? Don't you love me anymore?

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
Well, I wouldn't stay here for all the money in the world. Goodbye.

Hero won

Oscar and Bert

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
That does it, I'm leaving you.

villain: Persuade (Run To Door)
Don't leave just yet. I just put a cake in the oven.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I should really get going.

villain: Persuade (Run To Door)
Stay and I'll do anything you want. Anything.

hero: Mock (Run To Door)
I've got to leave. It's not me, it's you.

villain: Persuade (Run To Door)
I feel so lonely when you're gone. Tell me you'll stay?

hero: Mock (Run To Door)
Shall I compare thee to a summers day? Well, maybe not.

villain: Persuade (Run To Door)
Please don't leave me. Think of the children.

hero: Insult (Run To Door)
It was your idea to have children in the first place. I wanted an Aibo.

villain: Persuade (Run To Door)
Stay with me. You're all I have in life, besides the children and lots and lots of money.

hero: Insult (Run To Door)
Look at you. Just look at you. You disgust me.

villain: Persuade (Run To Opponent)
You're never home anymore. Are you having an affair?

hero: Insult (Run To Door)
Well, maybe I found someone who really understands me.

villain: Hurt (Run To Opponent)
Fine. So you hate me. Join the club.

hero: Insult (Run To Door)
I. Hate. You.

villain: Hurt (Run To Opponent)
You only stay with me for my money, don't you?

hero: Insult (Run To Door)
Well, I wouldn't stay here for all the money in the world. Goodbye.

Hero won

Elmo and Oscar

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I. Am. Outta here.

villain: Distract (Go To Painting)
This painting of our son really is magnificent.

hero: Distracted (Go To Painting)
The symbolic representation of manly virility is brilliant.

villain: Distract (Go To Painting)
Robotika. is my favorite fine art.

hero: Distracted (Go To Painting)
Madonna. She is such a hottie.

villain: Mock (Run To Door)
Do you understand this painting in the slightest?

hero: Hurt (Run To Door)
I guess I really am worthless.

villain: Mock (Run To Door)
A real man would stay. But of course you're merely an inadequate simulation.

hero: Flee (Run From Opponent)
I've got to get away from you.

villain: Provoke (Run To Opponent)
Go ahead. Leave. I'm still young, I'll find someone else.

hero: Flee (Run From Opponent)
You scare me.

villain: Provoke (Run To Opponent)
Oh no. I forgot to take my medication this morning.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
You never truly loved me.

villain: Provoke (Run To Opponent)
Sometimes I think about hurting you. Like now.

hero: Flee (Run From Opponent)
Get away from my bumpers!

villain: Provoke (Run To Opponent)
You know what's going to happen if you keep being like this.

hero: Flee (Run From Opponent)
Get out of my face before I scream.

villain: Mock (Run To Door)
How can you possibly say that with a straight face?

hero: Hurt (Run To Door)
Why? Why should I even go on living? All you do is cause me pain.

villain: Provoke (Turn To Robot)
Oh, you think you're such the big man.

hero: Hurt (Run To Door)
This isn't working out. I need more space.

Hero won

Oscar and Oscar

hero: Oscar
villain: Oscar

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
That does it, I'm leaving you.

villain: Distract (Go To Painting)
Don't you think she looks like me?

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
I. Am. Outta here.

villain: Mock (Run To Door)
A real man would stay. But of course you're merely an inadequate simulation.

hero: Mock (Run To Door)
I've got to leave. It's not me, it's you.

villain: Provoke (Run To Opponent)
Go ahead. Leave. I'm still young, I'll find someone else.

hero: Threaten (Block Opponent)
I'm leaving whether you like it or not.

villain: Threaten (Run To Opponent)
You want to leave? You're nothing without me!

hero: Threaten (Block Opponent)
Shut up, woman! You're driving me crazy!

villain: Threaten (Run To Opponent)
Leave and you can kiss your gold card and your B M W goodbye.

hero: Threaten (Turn To Robot)
Come here. It's time you learned some more believable behavior.

villain: Threaten (Run To Opponent)
Touch me and I'll scream, you evil, evil robot.

hero: Insult (Run To Door)
It was your idea to have children in the first place. I wanted an Aibo.

villain: Threaten (Run To Opponent)
Fine. I'm taking the kids and going to my mother's house.

hero: Flee (Run From Opponent)
I must run. Run like the wind.

villain: Threaten (Run To Opponent)
That does it, I'm getting really mad.

hero: Flee (Run From Opponent)
You scare me.

villain: Provoke (Run To Opponent)
Oh no. I forgot to take my medication this morning.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
You know, I could introduce you to my brother. He's a mountain of muscle.

villain: Provoke (Turn To Robot)
Sometimes I think about hurting you. Like now.

hero: Persuade (Run To Door)
Goodbye, my sweet. We'll always have Paris.

Hero won

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