Newsgroups: soc.motss
From: tom@flood.com (Tom Chatt)
Subject: Sermon for a Gay Wedding
Organization: The Flood Group, Inc. Torrance, Ca.
Date: Wed, 3 Nov 93 07:28:29 GMT
A few months ago, I not only attended my first gay wedding,
but I was asked to speak as part of the ceremony. The ceremony
was well-attended by family on both sides, including cousins,
nieces, nephews, and an 84-year old great-grandmother, about
120 people in all. The ceremony included speeches by both grooms,
and by the judge who presided. It concluded with the grooms'
signing of a calligraphed parchment which was a legal contract
including exchange of durable powers of attorney, then duly
notarized by a lesbian friend and notary public, and then
signed by all guests in attendance as legal witnesses. And
both grooms stomped on wine glasses simultaneously as the
crowd cheered "Mazel Tov!".
In my introduction speech, I attempted to explain the full
meaning of this event to this largely straight and Jewish
gathering...
---------------------------------------------------------------
June 19, 1993
Croton-on-Hudson
Most of here, myself included, have never seen the wedding of two
men before. In fact, neither have Doug and Jeff. They're making it
up as they go along. In some ways, this is a traditional wedding
like any other---two people who are exchanging vows of lifelong love
and commitment. Obviously, in other ways, it is non-traditional.
I'd like to try to explain some of the special significance that
this wedding holds.
There is a movement in modern Judaism called the Reconstructionist
movement. The Reconstructionists are like Reform Jews in that
they do not accept tradition without questioning: they do not
want rote ritual devoid of modern personal meaning. For them,
"because the book says so" or "because my grandparents did it
that way" are not sufficient reasons for religious practice.
Yet many Reconstructionists end up looking like Conservative Jews,
continuing a great many of the traditional practices by coming
up with modern symbolic interpretations for the old ways.
A Reconstructionist is someone who takes all of the items of
their faith, and considers each one, whether it is truly
meaningful or whether it should be abandoned---just as someone
packing to move to a new home goes through each of their
possessions and decides whether to keep it or whether to
leave it behind.
To be gay is to be Reconstructionist about one's whole life.
All of us---gay or straight, Jewish or not Jewish---receive
from our culture ideas about how we will live our lives. We
come to know the expectations of our society, as we see the
examples of how our family and friends live, and as we learn
the hopes and dreams they have for themselves and for us.
And from this rich pool of ideas, we come to shape our own
vision of how we will live our lives.
But some of us have a crisis point in our lives that calls
everything into question. For the first 20 years of my life,
I had always pictured myself growing up to lead a life not
unlike my parents: being a career engineer like my father,
falling in love with a woman, getting married, having children.
Then I discovered that I was gay. Every hope, every dream,
every idea I had ever had about how my life would unfold
seemed shattered beyond repair. And there was nothing to replace
it. Family, friends, society offered no examples, no visions
of what a good life for a gay man might be like. Slowly,
after months and years of coming out to friends and family,
of discovering a whole gay community, and of discovering
that some of my own friends were also gay (including the boy
who grew up next door), I have rebuilt a positive vision
of what my life could and should be like.
Thus, coming out as a gay man or woman means being a
Reconstructionist in a radical way. It is more than moving
to a new home and sifting through your old possessions.
It is like having your home burn down to the ground. While
losing your home and all your worldly possessions is
obviously traumatic, it is also a unique opportunity to
measure which things in your life are truly essential.
When a new home is built out of the ashes, every piece is
carefully considered and nothing is taken for granted. While
the new home is necessarily different from the old one, old
ideas which are still good are reconstructed in the new.
Thus, Doug and Jeff, in constructing their vision of
living as gay men, have chosen to incorporate the tradition
of marriage and a wedding.
Unlike many couples, Doug and Jeff do not marry today because
it was expected of them or encouraged. It was not. They will
not live their lives as a married couple because it will be
easy, a well-worn path of least resistance. It will not be
easy. Some of you, like my mother, may have encountered some
trouble trying to find their wedding gift registry at
Williams-Sonoma. It seems their computers and their personnel
get a bit flustered when there are two grooms and no bride.
This is just a small taste of the hundreds of denials and
discountenances that Doug and Jeff will face. They have
given their decision to wed a great deal of reflection and
consideration, and they are here today, not because it is
easy or expected or encouraged, but only for the best of
reasons. Despite the difficulties they may face, they freely
and knowingly choose to celebrate their love and their lifelong
commitment to each other in loving partnership. As friends
and family, we are an important part of this ceremony. Since
the state will not recognize this marriage, and society will
not encourage it, we must vow to give them our encouragement,
our love, and our support in their commitment.
Jewish tradition teaches us that we have a special purpose in
this world called _tikun olam_, the completion of creation.
The rabbis say that when God created the world, He intentionally
created it unfinished, so that we would have this purpose
in our lives: to complete the job of creation. The world is
like a huge, brilliant, beautiful jigsaw puzzle that God
created, but left for us to assemble. Only at the end of time
will the puzzle be completed and the whole picture revealed,
but through our lives, each of us will contribute a part,
will put a piece in place, and another part of the picture
will become clear. Doug and Jeff's marriage is a fulfillment
of the Jewish mission of _tikun olam_. The satisfaction they
have found in their union is the satisfaction of two puzzle
pieces being put together. Just as two pieces assembled show
more of the picture than either piece by itself, the union of
these two men will contribute more to the world than could
two individuals separately. And as the picture revealed by
two assembled pieces increases the momentum to put more pieces
together, Jeff and Doug's example will provide a light to
others and contribute a new positive gay vision to our culture.
Today in their marriage, we witness and we celebrate the
further creation of the world.
--
Tom Chatt \ Don't take offense, take action.
Internet: tom@flood.com \ Speak up. When we remain silent,
UUCP: ...!uunet!flood!tom / \ we oppress ourselves.