One winter morning
I was asked by my dad,
"What do you want for Christmas,
Young Thad?"
My answer was quick:
"I want a computer.
Not just any computer.
No, I want a root-tooter!
I want a ZBN 23,
No ripoffs. No scrapple.
No cheap imitations,
No lemons. No apples.
"I want a fast computer;
One so fast and flit
Four mathematicians, in 400 years
Couldn't do as much as it.
"I'll need an IGA graphics card;
Everyone knows graphics means games.
An IGA has 2 billion colors
Most of which don't even have names.
"Of course I'll need a modem--
The biggest, baudest modem around--
So I can call all the local computers
And make that BEEP-whirr sort of sound.
Oh! The boards I can call up!
Oh, the computers I can walk through!
I think you need another phone line
So you get a chance to talk too.
"Wait a minute! I forgot!
I'll need software too!
Hardware without software,
It just wouldn't do!
I'll need a word processor, for processing words.
I'll need a third processor, for processing thirds.
I'll need a spreadsheet. I'll need a tax program.
I'll need Super Paint. I'll need VAX-o'gram.
I'll want games in which you get to drop blocks.
I'll want games where you get to shoot spaceships in socks.
"And I'll need a big hard drive to fit all my programs,
A very big hard drive. With hundreds of megograms.
"Oh yes! And a printer!
A Laserjet printer--
A 668 color Laserjet printer!
So I can print pretty pictures
In all colors through
Indigo-indigo-purplish-blue.
"And a full page scanner
So my computer can read.
And that's all the computer
That I'll ever need!
"Except...
What of a joystick?
How can I live
Without a big joystick?
I can't play all my games on the keyboard,
Why it wouldn't be right!
You wouldn't want all of my friends to think that you're
tight!
"So a joystick. And mouse.
And a speech synthesizer.
And so I can talk back:
A speech recognizer.
"Oh, how my friends will like my machine!
When they see it they're sure to turn green!
They'll come over for hours to play all my games,
And see all my colors that don't even have names.
"But there's only one computer
And there's lots of us.
How can we all play
And not make a fuss?
I'll need terminals
That will connect us all through
To the main computer
(I'll need cables too).
"Now the ZBN 23
Has RAM interriminable.
But not quite enough RAM
To keep track of ten terminals.
I'll need a step up--
A supercomputer.
"A ZBN Bloober-Supercomputer!
And a staff of technicians
To make sure it keeps working.
And a staff of debuggers
For any bugs that start lurking.
"An account on the Hinternet
So everyone on the planet
Can call my computer
(Please, don't ask me to can it).
"There's just one more thing:
A Multi-User Confuser!
It's a kind of a game
That can be played by dozens of losers.
"So that's what I want.
I'm not asking much.
Why, Brad down the street
Has a computer that that wouldn't touch!
