My Favorite Database Shirts

#1 — MongoDB

As far as I know, this is the original shirt released by MongoDB. This was the hot item when I got it a few years ago. I consider this to be the gold standard for a database shirt. MongoDB spared no expense in getting the plush American Apparel 50/50 cotton blend. The cut is flattering. The design is clean and direct (with three colors). It's not entirely obvious that this is a tech shirt, so you can wear it in public. They get also points for using a non-traditional shirt color (i.e., it's not black, white, or gray). Over the years, the shirt has held up well and has gotten softer.

This is an example of what all database companies should aspire to have with their own shirts. A lot of companies go cheap and get Hane's Beefy-T, but these shirts feels like sandpaper on my delicate body. It shows that paying a little extra to get a nicer quality shirt is worth it because it makes people want to wear it. I remember when they would come to recruit at Brown and the next day there would be non-CS people walking around campus with MongoDB shirts. I know that they made women's cut versions too, because a lot of girls would wear them to the gym.

The success of Eliot Horowitz and his crew with this MongoDB shirt inspired me to make a shirt for my own DBMS before I went on the shirt for my own DBMS before I went on the job market. I attribute this shirt to a lot of my own early success.

#2 — NuoDB

This is the only long sleeve t-shirt that I have in my top five list. I also consider this to be one of the best shirts ever put out by a database company. I would have ranked this #1 except that I think that the MongoDB shirt above had a larger impact on their popularity. This NuoDB shirt is high quality and soft. Next Level shirts are just as good as American Apparel. It's also rare to have a t-shirt with a hood. The design is bright and interesting. This has the best artwork of all the shirts because it's not just their logo slapped on a shirt. NuoDB actually had somebody design this and it shows. Most people would not know that this shirt is for a database company.

I always wear this shirt when I have to fly long distances. It's sort of my "thunder shirt." I also have the light gray variant of it that they gave my wife (it has different artwork). She loves hers equally as much as I love this one here (although it is not a women's cut). I think they told me that these were a limited edition. NuoDB's new shirts are good, but not nearly as nice as this one (but they do have women's sizes).

#3 — Snowflake

The Snowflake team (smartly) followed the MongoDB playbook with this shirt. This is the highest quality database shirt that I have received in the last year. The database fam agrees with this assessment. The companies name is on the front and their logo is on the back. All of the printing is in white. They also have a nice sky blue version as well.

Although I have only worn this shirt for a few months, it already buttersoft. It is even softer than the MongoDB one above. The only issue is that I have been asked whether the shirt is for a ski resort. It is not obvious to non-database people that this is a tech company. That can be good or bad depending on your lifestyle.

#4 — Altibase

This shirt is a bit banal, but I like it because Altibase is a (slightly) obscure DBMS. It is a Korean system that was one of the first in-memory DBMSs from the 1990s. This is the most nerdy of all the shirts listed here (even though all database shirts are by definition nerdy). I like it because it has a vintage aesthetic that reminds me of the stolid tech companies from the 1980s. It says upfront that it's a relational DBMS so there are never any questions about what the shirt means. It also tells you that their DBMS means business since it's "enterprise grade."

The shirt material is a bit thinner than the others. I have avoid putting this shirt in the dryer because I am afraid that it will start to tatter. The printing is two-color and has set in nicely into the fabric.

#5 — VoltDB

This last one is the only Hanes shirt that I will wear. This is not as bad as Beefy T. The primary red color is uninteresting. No database company should ever use this kind of shirt. With that said, the reason why it makes my top five list is that it is a limited edition shirt put out by VoltDB in celebration of Mike Stonebraker winning the 2014 Turing Award. So it's special to me for that reason. It has a picture of Mike's beautiful visage and an INSERT query about him becoming a Turing Laureate. It is also the only shirt in this listing where I have both men's and women's version (shown in the photo here).

I have the other VoltDB Warhol-style Stonebraker shirt, but it's too large so I can't wear it. I am a big proponent of putting a picture of your face on a shirt.

Disclosure: I was on the team that wrote the system that later became VoltDB and Stonebraker was one of my PhD advisers, so I am probably biased because of that.