Poems from Colleges
These wonderful works of art were penned by the various Xmoses as
they concentrated on higher learning at various universities
through the United States.
August 31, 1992 (JH)
Do you like filling out surveys?
No, [X]I Strongly Disagree.
Do you want your private life
Compiled as statistics in a magazine?
August 31, 1992 (JH)
I saw an artsy movie.
Called Koyannisquatsi.
It made be kinda depressed
And it made me kinda sleepy.
September 7, 1992 (AG)
Orientation has come and gone.
Two days of classes we have had.
My books cost two hundred sixty dollars,
And the food is really bad.
September 17, 1992 (JH)
There once was a student named Rose
Who liked to stick things up her nose.
Some pencils and grapes,
Billy Joel Tapes,
A glue stick and three of her toes.
September 17, 1992 (JH)
There once was a student named Rose
Who was frightfully bellicose.
She killed people on whims,
She tore off their limbs,
And collected their fingers and toes.
September 22, 1992 (JH)
DNA and RNA
Fill me with confusion and dismay.
On chromosomes and autosomes
I am lost; I do not know'm.
Haploids and Diploids
Those nasty concepts should be destroyed!
How pathetic! In genetics
I'm a complete paraplegic1.
September 25, 1992 (JH)
Rene Descartes
Is an old fart
Who thought he proved the existence of God.
I can't stand reading Hume,
But I assume
That he thinks he proved something equally odd.
The cafeteria food stinks,
And the dorm sucks.
Aren't you glad you
Sent Xmos U 100,000 bucks?
September 27, 1992 (AG)
My mind is controlled by hormones,
Causing me to look for a date.
I find the search quite confusing,
And wonder how anyone can find a mate.
October 1, 1992 (PM)
The Light goes up,
The Light goes down.
I have no reason why.
The Light goes up,
The Light goes down.
Ours is but to try.
The Light goes up,
The Light goes blink,
Wait, that does not look right!
The Light goes up,
The Light goes boom.
There goes our last new light.
Dan's First Poem of the Day - October 4, 1992 (DD)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Cafeteria food sucks,
And it swallows too.
Ode to Tetris - October 6, 1992 (JH)
Play Tetris clones (anything but work).
Play until you get the shakes.
Drop those squares until your eyes pop out,
And your hair recedes, and your brain bakes.
October 8, 1992 (JH)
What kind of strange, insane freak
Would put an insectivore in the freezer?
What kind of kitchen closing geek
Would be such an officious stupid geezer?
October 8, 1992 (JH)
There once was a girl named Virginia
She had a smile that would win ya.
She is so awesome,
An awesome opossum,
And has claws so sharp they could skin ya.
October 15, 1992 (JH)
We are all of us apes
And I'm unhappy to say
That I learned that from my Anthropology teacher
In more than one way.
An Ode to Caffeine - October 19, 1992 (AG)
When your doin' the college scene,
You should get to know caffeine.
Caffeine's your friend, caffeine's a stud!
Caffeine tastes better than a Bud2!
Mountain Dew or Jolt, get it in soda form.
Try No-Doze to stay awake in your dorm.
Coffee in the morning, tea at night;
Don't drink decaf or fall asleep you might.
An Ode to Quarters - October 19, 1992 (AG)
In order to make your clothes clean,
These you will need: quarters.
Three at least, how they gleam3!
Three more, to make your clothes dry.
October 22, 1992 (KY)
Nosebleeds are red.
School food is blue.
I write my best poetry
When I've inhaled too much glue.
October 22, 1992 (KY)
Yesterday's test was not a breeze,
I failed this psych test of mine.
Freud and the rest can stick their theories
Where the sun don't shine.
November 5, 1992 (JH)
Our dorm is shaped just like a box,
The walls are made of concrete blocks.
You can't tell whose phone is whose,
And there's no towels, soap, or urinals in our loos.
Ken Iwasa's First Poem of the Day - November 5, 1992 (KI)
In none of the dorms except for my floor
People were swearing when they opened their door.
A ghastly smell from the halls they received
When they realized that someone had heaved.
It was this last Friday that the fountain
Which was covered with red.
The smell was until Monday around when
The janitors suddenly said:
Gee, Joe, it kind of smells in here,
Someone had too much pizza and beer.
So, Joe, what should we do?
I don't know. Oh, let's go.
So someone finally cleaned it,
After leaving the mess for a week.
So it smelled like shit,
Isn't that unique.
There were worse things around,
But they are more unpleasant.
And too sick too rhyme so I'll stop here.
Calcuphobia, Compufright,
Ghastly new feeling of the night...
All our human feelings lost,
Replaced by techno-analogs.
A fantasy realized:
All our feelings digitized.
Doesn't matter what's real or fake,
Nothing's hard to fabricate.
I can't write, I can't rhyme
Here I am, wasting your time
I can't go but I can't stop
Nothing done until I drop.
I could go on forever
But I could not be very clever
This is the end
And all that I'll send
So I'll just say
November 14, 1993 (JH)
Come on, let's all play a MUD!
You can hunt rabbits just like Elmer Fudd.
Spend hours kissing, hugging, and killing your friends.
Reality's fun but Dungeons transcend.
Around Christmas 1992 (PM)
There once was a guy named Hamlet,
Everyone thought he was dead.
But actually he joined a Hamlet4,
So now he makes burgers with bread.
January 1993 (JH)5
There once was a fellow from Harkness,
Who chewed trees until they were barkless,
He ate so much grain,
It blew up his brain.
In Dascomb6 they dined on his carcass.
January 25, 1993 (KY)
My body is aching, and I think I'm feeling
The effects of sleeping a few hours before ten.
My typing's erratic, my head is reeling.
It's great to be back in college again.
January 31, 1993 (KI)
So what do you do with flaming blisters?
How about wrapping them in a wet towel and...
You should avoid popping them,
Because they could become infected...
You should also try to stop picking
at them for the same reason.
In short you leave them alone- and they may
hopefully (for you) just go away.
But if worst comes to worst-
You could try amputating your feet.
Nostalgic Poem of the Day - April 8, 1993 (AG)
The campus is empty--
No one is here--
Because spring time
Finally arrived this year.
Passover and Easter are
Contained in this break.
Not having food,
Makes my stomach ache7.
Three weeks of classes
Before exams start.
Brings forth a wave
of nostalgia from my heart.
Just one year ago,
I was at Blair,
And of t-shirts8,
I did care.
Seems like yesterday,
That my friends and I
Were collecting funds,
To bring Xmos to the world's eye.
The summer passed,
Fall semester, too.
Now the spring one
Is almost through.
Looking through the poems
Brings a tear to my eye--
Not because they are bad--
But because their keeper am I.
I wonder how long
They will continue.
(I hear at Blair they
Already fell through.)
This poem has rambled,
This poem is long.
It must end,
So I can listen the to a song9.
April 14, 1993 (Matt Pius)
One day while wondering on Venus,
I met a man with a detachable penis.
He thought it was on,
But now it is gone.
By the way, have you seen his?
April 16, 1993 (AG)
Today I got a package from my folks
Containing goodies of various sorts.
My friends, they soon grabbed them all,
Before I could stab their hands with forks.
Where the @(%$*&!! is the Sun?!?! - April 16, 1993
Spring is coming.
It should be here.
That I will never see the sun
Is my greatest fear.
You see, it is humid.
You see, it is warm.
You see, the heating is still on
In my dorm.
It hasn't snowed in a while,
And the birdies are chirping.
I wish I could find the sun,
To see what its doing.
We haven't seen it in weeks,
Maybe even months.
I'm beginning to think that
Mother Nature might be a dunce.
So if you find the sun,
Please send it over here--
Because the weather is warm
And the sky is clear.
Ford's First Poems of the Day (Ford) - April 21, 1993
Archaeologists in Egypt just dug up some more poetry attributed to
the great Rev. Xmos. These works were found scribbled in green
crayon in the margins of a papyrus copy of Betty Crocker's
Ancient Egyptian Cookbook (Copyright 5000 BC The Great
Publishing Corporation of Uruk, Upper Mesopotamia).
This first piece is about Xmos University:
Congratulations! Xmos U.
Decided on accepting you.
You'll have to pawn your jewels and hock ma's
Because you owe us lots of drachmas.
This is not a cause to heckle,
If you prefer, just pay in shekels.
We will not think it strange or queer-a
If you choose to pay in lira.
Our institution isn't picky,
We don't make the process tricky--
Whatever currency you know
Just come in and cough up your dough.
Untitled
At Xmos U the teachers plan on
Teaching from the standard canon.
Literature never wearies--
Homework? Read the Gunworld10 series.
These next poems appear to be excerpts from a series of high love
ballads. Hence we see a rare romantic streak in the good
Reverend:
I.
I love you my darling, I love you
Now and forever amen,
But I'll take it all back if I catch you
Sculpting in ear wax again.
II.
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Mint,
Remember me to one who lives there,
He once gave me this huge ball of lint.
This next fragment appears to be an herbal remedy for intestinal
upset brought on by stress. This would seem to support the theory
that peoples of the Xmos age did indeed have advanced medicine.
Note the complicated a-b-a-b rhyme scheme!!!
The tests of Xmos U won't flummox
You unless you are a dumb ox.
If they're too much for your stomach
Settle it with Jolt-steeped old socks.
The Illuminated Poem of the Day (AG) - May 23, 1993
Five and twenty-three,
Favorite numbers of the Illuminati11!
May 23, 1993 (AG)
I've been home a week,
Actually a few days more.
My friends finally decided to return,
Now my life isn't such a bore.
Copyright ©1994, 1996 Aaron Greenhouse. Comments?
Mail 'em to me...
