KGB Assassins!

Assassins Committee Chairs: Xander Veerhoff (aveerhof), Glenn Willen (gwillen)
Umpire: Dan Blandford (Please contact umpires using kgbassassins@gmail.com only.)

Read the rules, updated 04/24.

Record of events:

05/03, 06:00: Game starts.
05/03, 20:45: jboriss has been slain!
05/03, 22:30: A player has been stunned!
05/03, 23:00: dlopez has been toasted!
05/04, 16:30: mkehrt has been annihilated!
05/04, 17:00: rlambert has been cheesed!
05/04, 18:00: aij has been obliterated!
05/05, 14:45: mlowry has been sworded!
05/05, 20:45: cmj has been decapitated!
05/06, 19:15: bohanlon has been destructified!
05/09, 19:20: gwillen has been squishinated!
05/09, 19:20: lcoyne declares victory!

Last update 05/09, 17:25.
Look, you try thinking of nine synonyms for "killed". It's hard.