>Xref: gs150.sp.cs.cmu.edu cmu.cs.opinion:8213
>Newsgroups: cmu.cs.opinion
>Path: crabapple.srv.cs.cmu.edu!jch
>From: jch+@cs.cmu.edu (Jonathan Hardwick)
>Subject: Hit 'n' if you get the confession instance
>Message-ID: <Crt2K5.22n.1@cs.cmu.edu>
>Sender: news@cs.cmu.edu (Usenet News System)
>Nntp-Posting-Host: gs69.sp.cs.cmu.edu
>Organization: School of Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon
>Date: Wed, 22 Jun 1994 11:48:04 -0400
>Lines: 61

The Digital Priest has been used to generate some remarkably lame confessions recently. As an example of the level of quality to aim for, I present the following gem from last night:

Public Confession from the Booth
================================
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 0 days since my last confession. I have committed the sin of Pride.

All these years, I believed my graduate students really enjoyed their daily thrashings. How can you blame me - they looked so beautiful, with their backs stretched and their naked asses arched up and blushing from the whip. As I brought down the lash, time and time again, their faces would glow brightly with rapture, lips tensed with enthusiasm. Or so I believed.

I don't know if you can comprehend the intense feelings that pulsed through my body yesterday when, in front of the dean in the hallway outside Sharon's office, one of my students briefly lost his inhibitions so completely as I tightened his nipple clamps that he admitted that he had faked every orgasm. Dear Digital Priest, you can't know the humiliation; I was so shocked, I dropped his leash.

Well, I'm sure I don't have to tell you the professional injury I expect to suffer as a result. This revelation invalidates some of my best recent publications, and in front of the dean no less; but what really haunts me is knowing that, all these years, the times I thought I was giving so much pleasure, my student was silently enduring. Those erotic memories have become shameful nightmares. Perhaps if I were more perceptive, I would have noticed a telltale grimace or flicker in his eyes. Perhaps if I had been more communicative, I would have been able to satisfy him. I remember how Kung would pummel his students, and they always came back begging for more. I remember how Perlis' students would line up outside naked in the snow, they loved the man so. Why can't I be like that?

Oh Digital Priest, I swear I'm a changed man. I'm getting in touch with my inner sensitive pervert, and taking the first steps toward achieving true intimacy with my students, through a series of intense interrogations. Dammit, I'm going to be the kind of advisor they'll be proud to call Imperial Master. I hope that every SCS faculty member will follow my example and take the following advice.

Entrust your students with a little responsibility. They're mature enough to occasionally administer their own piercings.
Don't be afraid to let your students find a little pleasure on the side. After all, it's you they'll be crawling home to.
Remember that deep inside, all your students are beautiful, and it's up to you to wield the scalpel that unlocks that potential.
Students need positive affirmations to lift their self-esteem. So consider occasionally stealing their bad results, too.
If you loosen your student's straps, and the student doesn't return, it was never really yours.

I hope that, with this philosophy ever in mind, I can amend my sins.

I am truly sorry.

Repent! WWW Confession Booth: http://anther.learning.cs.cmu.edu/priest.html