Murphy's general laws

• Nothing is as easy as it looks.
• Everything takes longer than you think.
• Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
• If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
• If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
• If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
• Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
• Mother nature is a bitch.
• It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
• Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
• The Light at the end of the tunnel is only the light of an oncoming train.

Murphy's Military Laws

• Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
• No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
• Friendly fire ain't.
• The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
• The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it .
• The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
• The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
• Incoming fire has the right of way.
• If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
• The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
• If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
• The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
• The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
• There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
• Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
• If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Murphy's Technology Laws

• You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
• Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
• Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
• Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
• If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
• The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
• The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
• An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
• Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
• All great discoveries are made by mistake.
• Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
• Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
• All's well that ends.
• A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
• The first myth of management is that it exists.
• A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
• New systems generate new problems.
• To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
• We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
• Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
• Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
• A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
• Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.
• Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.
• The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
• To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
• After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
• Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
• A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
• If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
• Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
• Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."
• Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
• If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
• The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
• In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
• Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
• All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
• The only perfect science is hind-sight.
• Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
• If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
• If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
• When all else fails, read the instructions.
• If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
• Everything that goes up must come down.
• Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
• Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
• Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
• If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it probably needed to be replaced anyway.
• The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

Murphy's Laws of Love

• All the good ones are taken.
• If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
• The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
• Brains * Beauty * Availability = Constant.
• The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
• Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
• The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
• Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
• Nice guys(girls) finish last.
• If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
• Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.

Murphy's Laws of sex

• The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
• Nothing improves with age.
• No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
• Sex has no calories.
• Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
• There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
• Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
• No sex with anyone in the same office.
• Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
• A man in the house is worth two in the street.
• If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
• Virginity can be cured.
• When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
• Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
• The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
• Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
• It is always the wrong time of month.
• The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
• When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
• Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
• Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
• The younger the better.
• The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
• It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
• Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
• Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
• There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
• Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
• Love is a hole in the heart.
• If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
• Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
• Do it only with the best.
• Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
• One good turn gets most of the blankets.
• You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
• Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
• It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
• Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
• Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
• Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
• Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
• A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
• What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
• It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
• Never say no.
• A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
• Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
• Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
• Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
• A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
• Love comes in spurts.
• The world does not revolve on an axis.
• Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
• Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
• Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
• There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
• Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
• Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
• "This won't hurt, I promise."

Murphy's Law of Research

Murphy's Law of Copiers

Murphy's Law of the Open Road:

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics

The Murphy Philosophy

Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws

Murphy's Constant

Law of the Perversity of Nature (Mrs. Murphy's Corollary):

Corollary (Jenning):

Hill's Commentaries on Murphy's Laws

• If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care.
• If we have nothing to lose by change, relax.
• If we have everything to gain by change, relax.
• If it doesn't matter, it does not matter.

O'Toole's Commentary

NBC's Addendum to Murphy's Law

F@b's comment to Murphy's Law